In late November 2016, still processing the election results, I woke to discover that none of my pants fit anymore. I was in my second trimester and should have seen this coming, but was instead scrambling all over my apartment to find an outfit that could reliably stay closed during the keynote address I was scheduled to give later that day.

Finally dressed, I drove the two and a half hours to the conference thinking about what I could offer the hundreds of educators I would be addressing in my speech. The words I had planned to deliver now felt flat and inauthentic. I wanted to offer something that could be relevant and applicable to everyone in the room regardless of who they voted for earlier that month. I wanted to forge a connection to the content, to me, and to each other. We had become so divided- what could I say that would allow us to feel connected again? 

Perhaps it was the physical changes I was going through and the sensation of my daughter’s feet kicking me in the ribs reminding me of the life growing within, but the word that kept coming to the forefront of my mind was transformation. The speech I gave that day, the speech I hadn’t planned on giving when I was first asked months before, was about the role each of us can play to create healing and change. As educators we may feel enormous pressure to meet curriculum requirements and deliver information that our students can absorb and integrate to ensure their academic success. But what can be most transformative for a young person has less to do with the course material and everything to do with how they feel connected and seen by the person teaching them. Dr. Bruce Perry says that “relationships are the agents of change.” A person who feels seen and heard and has social connections is more likely to thrive and a community where people know and care about each other is a safer community to live, work, and learn. Even when so much is out of our control, we can take a moment to truly listen to someone else, to wave to a neighbor, to offer support.

The day before the 2024 election I was once again presenting at a conference for educators from all over Massachusetts. I was excited to present with our long term partner, Wayland Public Schools, on the evolution of our work over the last decade. As I walked into the room to set up for our session, a familiar face was waiting for me in the audience. My beloved high school field hockey coach and health teacher came with her wife, who also teaches health and leadership at my alma mater. I can’t tell you the joy I felt seeing the two of them. In our presentation my co-facilitator, Scott, and I each shared our origin stories- how we chose to dedicate ourselves to preventing gender-based violence. Having them there felt like a true full circle moment.

I think it’s easy to listen to my story and hear that I chose this work because of The Terrible Thing That Happened to Me. But that’s not really the whole story. It’s true that I may not have discovered my passion for this work if I had not been personally impacted by sexual and domestic violence. But the reason I was able to take my trauma and transform it into a career that is filled with joy and creates meaningful and lasting change is because I had amazing people in my life who believed me and supported me. 

It was surreal to tell my story in 2024 with my former coach in the room and reflect on my first speech that I delivered when I was 16 years old, only two months after my assault. My coach came to that first speech. She had no idea what I would be sharing, only that it was important to me that she be there. She wasn’t trained in trauma-informed practices and didn’t have a clinical background and she didn’t need one to show up for me in the ways I needed. She listened. She took me seriously. She demonstrated she cared. She made her office a safe space where I could sit and have lunch when I was feeling overwhelmed. She didn’t try to be my therapist or my friend. She was the supportive coach and adult I needed at school. I was fortunate to have a supportive family and therapist, but most of my week was spent in school and it was imperative that I had access to support when I was there. My coach showed up with care and consistency, and it helped me to experience safety and stability when I needed it most.

Trauma is a profound and meaningful loss of control. Many of us are feeling powerless and grieving a loss right now. What enables us to heal from trauma is having one person in our lives we can turn to and receive a believing supportive response. All of us deserve to have that, and all of us can offer it to someone else. We all have a role to play to foster healing and transformation. Change is possible. Healing is possible. It will not happen in isolation; it is through connection that we will create the world we dream of, together. 

Reach out, connect, and be the support that someone else needs today—because together, we can create the change we’re longing for.