Under Pressure: How to Reset and Recharge by Letting Go
Have you ever returned from vacation and found yourself feeling stuck and overwhelmed?
I was really fortunate to be able to take some time off and travel with my family this summer. I had created this idea in my head that when I returned, I would feel rejuvenated and creative and ready to hit the ground running. That’s not exactly what happened.
My family’s summer was a mix of everything: beautiful moments of connection and shared joy, late nights and early mornings, and literal and figurative storms that we’re still weathering. Despite the unexpected challenges we were facing, I had set a date on my calendar- my daughter’s first day of school- to jump right back into a mindset of productivity and creativity and start to tackle the many projects and tasks waiting on my to-do list.
The day arrived. I was lucky to have therapy right after I dropped my daughter off from school. It was a much needed session to process a lot of what I’m holding emotionally and logistically. And while it was a relief to voice these things out loud, naming them stirred them right up to the surface. I went straight to a meeting and by the time I left, I was exhausted. I opened my ever-growing to-do list and stared at the items I thought I’d have finished by then, and could not bring myself to make any headway.
I felt stuck. My mind was telling me I needed to get going, I needed to hit the gas, I needed to do… everything. My body was screaming at me to slow down, to take a beat, maybe even pump the breaks. The conflicting energy was paralyzing. In the past, I would have turned the volume up on my mind and tuned out my body’s messages. I would have pushed through, pushed harder. I would have created more but it wouldn’t have been of the quality or caliber I would want, and I would finish the day feeling depleted and defeated. For so long, I have tied my worth to how much I can do. This belief system is grounded in a scarcity mindset and the fear that if I take a minute I may never be able to get going again. This scarcity mindset also had me feeling guilty if I returned from vacation and didn’t immediately do the most to “make up” for taking time off.
This past year has been a lot of reflecting on and unraveling mindsets and habits that no longer serve me. So despite the expectation I had of where I thought I “should” be mentally and the tasks I thought I’d be able to do, I did this instead: I closed my to-do list. I went for a walk. I took a hot shower. I made and ate lunch while sitting down (this is rare for me). I met with our business architect and was honest with her about where I was mentally, emotionally, and physically. I listened to how she was doing and felt more connected to her and to myself. Instead of trying to tackle the tasks we had planned to accomplish, we made a detailed goals document together that included specific deadlines- deadlines that did not start until the following week. It helped us both realize that the urgency we were feeling wasn’t based in reality. We recognized that there is an abundance of time to take care of ourselves and get things done when we are able to bring our best selves to work.
And then here’s what happened. I left that meeting and spent time with my daughter, hearing all about her first day of school. I felt present and not distracted. By the time we got home from spending time with friends, an idea for a blog had already formed. I sat down and wrote it in 30 minutes. I felt invigorated and energized by this return of my creativity. In the past, the scarcity mindset would have convinced me to keep going, to keep pushing in case the energy disappeared the next day, but I resisted. I trusted myself. I spent the rest of the evening with my family, sharing more with my spouse about what I was feeling, and I slept more than 8 hours. Friends, this does not happen in my life 99% of the time.
The next morning, I walked my daughter to school. I came home and that seed of motivation was waiting for me and blooming. I started to create, to plan, to execute. And within less than 24 hours I went from feeling stuck and behind on everything to feeling energized and ahead of schedule.
For so long, I’ve tied my self-worth to how much I can do. I have to keep learning that doing more doesn’t necessarily mean doing better. Insecurity and doubt still try to convince me that if I don’t come back from a break and immediately become uber-productive then I am selfish and unworthy. So many of us are carrying heavy emotional and mental loads and have a “I just need to push through” mentality, believing that if we can just make it to vacation we can return refreshed and rejuvenated. But sometimes our vacations don’t offer us the break we envisioned. Sometimes we get sick (our bodies are tired and we ignore them for too long), our kids get sick, or life throws unexpected curveballs at us that derail our fantasy of the reset we had envisioned. Too often we come back to work feeling guilty for still being exhausted and resentful that we didn’t get the break we needed to come back with renewed motivation and energy.
So how can we access a reset whenever we need it? We start by giving ourselves an out and a specific task. By acknowledging to my colleague that I wasn’t in the headspace I had expected to be when I committed to completing certain tasks, we were able to collaboratively adjust our plan and our timeline to still meet our goals. But once I could see the specific steps mapped out and knew that I had space and time and didn’t have to feel so much pressure, my creativity began to unlock. In just a matter of a couple of hours everything began to shift for me. And that’s because I was able to:
Feel and name my feelings
Connect to myself and others
Move outdoors
Give myself permission to recover and reset.
Sometimes we get a couple of hours. Sometimes we can take a couple of days. And sometimes we only get a couple of minutes. But if we can really give ourselves that- just a few moments of connection, movement, and permission to set a boundary like closing a to-do list, we may find the reset we sought on vacation was waiting for us, right at home.
